Using sex toys in bed

Adding sex toys to your bedtime routine can bring new sensations and excitement to both partners. However, bringing a toy into bed with your partner is not a decision to be taken lightly.

Fosnight recommends broaching the topic carefully and slowly with your partner. Try using a toy during foreplay or mutual masturbation first, and then work up to using it during sex.


Dildos are long, slender objects that are inserted inside the anus or vagina for self-stimulation. They typically look like penises, but they can also be curved or ridged and can vibrate and pulsate.

“Once your partner understands that a toy is not meant to replace them, it can be a great addition to a sensual experience,” says sex educator and founder of organic intimacy shop Organic Loven Taylor Sparks. She recommends starting with a basic single-ended dildo, which usually starts at $35 and can be found online or in stores that sell body-safe toys.

If your partner is open to trying a dildo, try slowly inserting it into their anus or vagina using lube. This can help familiarize them with the stim they can expect, as well as their dildo’s length and girth.


Many trans folks choose to pack, or wear a penis-like object underwear for a bulge. The goal is to emulate a cisgender male’s erection. There are soft and hard packers that can be used in conjunction with a harness for penetrative sex. Hard packers are made of firmer material that can be bent, like a penis, or flexed to stay erect, like a dildo.

Consider the shape, size and placement of your packer for a realistic bulge. Watch cisgender men stand and sit to see how their bulge looks and adjust your packer accordingly.

Some online retailers specialize in packers, such as FTM Shopping, which sells a range of soft and hard packers and harnesses. Other companies, such as TranZwear, make a line of gender-affirming underwear that includes jocks designed to hold a packer, briefs with an extra pouch or sewn-in packer and swim trunks with a packer pocket.


Gay harnesses are straps that can be worn on the chest or shoulders. They can be used for decorative or sexual purposes and are often seen in gay adult videos during bondage scenes.

While sex toys are often associated with leather, latex and the creepy room from 50 Shades of Grey, they can be used by everyone regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation. Sex toys can enhance sexual pleasure for both partners, so there’s no reason to shy away from using them in bed.

When introducing sex toys to your partner, it’s best to start slow and openly communicate. The key is to find a toy that you both enjoy and can easily use together. Don’t forget to use a lube that is compatible with your toy.


Condoms are a barrier method of birth control and can prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs). They’re over 95% effective when used correctly.

Gently squeeze the tip of the condom to remove any air and unroll it down your erect penis or sex toy. If it doesn’t unroll, it’s probably on inside out – discard and start again with a new one.

Try to make putting on condoms a part of foreplay so that they become an arousal. Also, make sure that you use a water-based lubricant to reduce friction and tearing. You can get male and female condoms at your local drug store, supermarket, or health center. Some schools and family planning clinics give them away for free. You can even find latex-free condoms if you’re allergic.